Anarthas in Action

After almost a week since the previous post I wanna record that I am about to start my fifth hatha-yoga session since I started again six days ago. Today the inertia feelings attacked me again. They feel totally alien and even stupid to me and I am proud of having progressed so much psychically for the last fifteen years since the day I started doing hatha at eighteen, and specially for the last twelve years after realizing samadhi of the conciousness transposition (asamprajnata samadhi also known as dharma-megha-samadhi) type. I am proud of this because I note that the frequency of my real self is very different to the mind's and I always note when the thoughts I witness are impositions of the "this"... this is weird. Now I've learnt that when the "this" suggests idleness and sloth pertaining my sadhana, when I fall it's difficult not doing it because there is a sick psychologic/metaphysical game going on in me. The "this" (manas) suggest revelling in the inertia of ignorance and sloth, and the cue is picked up by the senses (indriyas) which """conditioned""" by the memory of sense gratification produce a volition in the self defeating any given quantity of will power for hatha-yoga practice I might treasure.