I’ve been off for two years because I’ve been researching
and writing. Somewhat, I got too deep into the rabbit hole, I think.
The last three years have been a study in the non-organic
humanoid life-forms, and the demonic existences for me. As a matter of fact,
this trip down the rabbit hole started in early 2013, when I started writing,
and when I acquired a benzodiazepines habit.
In 2013, I pretty much went out of my personal lifestyle. I
was in a place where I literally couldn’t live. I was disturbed from eight in
the morning up to 10 PM or midnight almost everyday I was there.
It wasn’t a mental disturbance, though. It was noise and
vibrations for the floor below everyday. I couldn’t do anything, I had to be
all day out to have a life.
I couldn’t cope with this and started taking tranquilizers. Benzodiazepines
are for taking them for two months at maximum. I took them for about four
months.
It took me two full years to heal. For the last ten months I
feel I’m cured, but the two years up to then were no walk in the park.
My new writings openly attack the demons and the demonic,
and I think that because of it, my life has become a lot more difficult. I’m having
a hard time living how I want to live. It takes constant vigilance and focus,
and I never had to live this way, so life is becoming much a toil for me.
I haven’t written in this blog for the last two years for
another reason. I wanted to try Val Valerian’s advice. I wanted to live without
playing “their game.” Read for ‘them’ demons, ghosts, negative extraterrestrial
and their sub-human pawns on earth.
So far, I have achieved breaking free from an eighteen years
habit: alcoholism. If I should calculate how long my alcohol habit lasted from
the first time I drank, then it lasted for twenty three years.
But I became an alcoholic in 1998, only to stop drinking in
2000. I stood dry for one or two years, but soon I started drinking again to
deal with the anxiety and paranoia of having to be in the wrong place at the
wrong time, in Asia.
Having to compulsively go out every weekend to have two and
a half liters of beer or more, just to get plastered and lie to myself that I
was doing it for my writing, was slavery, and I’m glad I have stopped.
Now I realize I have grown old. I hate to, because I’m
supposed to stay young, always looking and being like I was when I was
twenty-one when I achieved moksha, maybe if I revised my attitude, stopped
tarrying in the race of spiritual warfare and made my life a highly regulated,
highly organized job of bringing God into it, every second of it, I would be
able to get out of the hole.
So far, I have intermittently been giving the demons what
they deserve, to the best of my abilities, but haven’t have put enough emphasis
in a consistently periodic armor plan, or just in a simple way of living, which
wouldn’t be the same as wearing armor but a way of not recklessly inciting
interactions with them, like I love to do.
God is my armor, I feel that if I ask Him to protect me, I
don’t need to technically wear a tantric armor, but everything related to
protection puts the demons out of themselves with envy and jealousy, maybe I
should get heavier in the armor department as a way of frustrating the demons
and their constant attempt to tamper with one and one’s life.
Having ditched alcohol after a generation drinking has to be
the model for me ditching other stupid things like tobacco and even stupider
things, like checking for news in my local video-arcade, when everybody knows
arcades died in the early two-thousands.
Nowadays you have to go to the pleasure lane of your local
mall to see news, I found out that. Funny that that modality was going on here in
South America since the late 1990s.
I took to heart the words of Val Valerian, of spiraling out
of their game by not playing it, but I conclude that of the millions of persons
of the Earth, if there is one that should play their game to geld them and
their spawn and obliterate their possibilities of spreading their unreal kind
further, that one is myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment